+Pain

Taking a few snapshots from post-pandemic work life, this piece attempts to supply a tiny peek into one roadmap where past trauma might potentially become sustainable progress.

Ton

9/3/20245 min read

Out of life’s school of war—what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. - Friedrich Nietzsche (translated from his German language work “Twilight of the Idols”)

Fear is contagious; and pain, which also causes anger and regret is typically at the root of it. I am not sure how many people would agree with these two statements. What is clear is that because of our collective imperfections, we shall all continue to experience pain. Whether we would inevitably inflict pain on others remains to be an individual choice, for the most part.

Inside the workplace, what we go through in our personal lives are often found at the root of how we conduct ourselves professionally. These are typically referred to as life events. But out of the necessity to ensure that whatever resides in the world of the personal does not spill out to impact the realm of the professional, we ultimately have to dig deep within ourselves to become better at balancing both.

It’s no secret that when we set out to develop our skills, we would do a far better job of it when we focus a lot less on what others can do better or worse than what we can, and instead focus more on ourselves, inevitably enabling us to come up with a constantly improving skillset. But skills, acquired either by formal training or by performing a set of tasks over a period of time, are just one side of this proverbial coin.

The default for employers had always been about hiring for skills. But for far more complex matters, they hire for experience.

Experience presumably equates to grit, character and perhaps even leadership. And in contrast to skills, building any of these will necessitate a focus on others, a focus on service and ultimately some amount of self-deprivation, which can be extremely inconvenient, if not outright painful. To approach character development in the same manner that we would skills development, will often result in situations where one becomes a victim to some extent. The pain we carry but often choose to conceal almost always makes this a certainty. But it has been observed that many who usually cling to their self-image as victims ultimately victimize others, sometimes in a stealthier manner than habitual bullies would. Many who are skilled, gritty and experienced often fall short at character or leadership whenever they end up misdirecting the pain they carry towards others.

The good news is, no one seems to have mastered both the art and science of redirecting pain to become the fuel that benefits others. The not-so-good news is that fewer people are finding even fewer reasons to bother trying. But for everyone else in between, pain and trauma can become a compass that will continue to bear witness to what doesn’t kill us, and will provide clues as to where we might eventually find redemption, if not outright victory.

THE OTHER ROAD TO VICTORY

All of us, employers most definitely included, are capable of bearing or carrying pain beyond individual capacities to tolerate or banish, and so individuals grit their teeth until they cross the finish line. We might refer to such crossings as old wins.

Old wins have often been about individual triumphs, of blazing undiscovered trails, of personal survival, of singlehandedly winning at all costs. But excluding outer space and the ocean depths, the world has become a lot smaller. Whatever drove pioneers then when hardly anybody was paying attention, is often viewed as “hero ball” today. While there is some validity in this change of perception, much of everything has also turned into a spectator sport, the extreme opposite where most seem content to just watch from a deceivingly safe distance. Safety, however, is often time-relative. Unchecked imbalances will always have a way of catching up to all of us.

New wins are more about asking for or offering help, eventually working and winning together, sometimes even among bitter adversaries. The term win-win and the word service come to mind. But win-wins seem to persist as exceptions. I would argue that perhaps the illusion of absolute guarantees often gets in the way. Even if the world that has shrunk in size is not yet necessarily better, it has by leaps and bounds become more connected. These days that’s a good place, if not the only place, to start.

The most beneficial kind of experience will teach us that some of the pain we carry around are not for us to take away on our own, assuming they’re even meant to be taken away. There will be times when we would need others to help us accept our pain, in the same token that others would also need us to do the same for them. These are the new wins. But because often we have no control over when this happens, it is practically the same as saying that it may never will. Unless, it begins with a mind to serve without expectations, which can be worded in its most extreme as “doing the seemingly impossible for the possibly ungrateful”. It is both funny and sad how people usually expect to get far in pursuit of what's fair by typically insisting to kick things off with “what's mine”. Technology-supplied spectatorship will undoubtedly first need to evolve into varying degrees of voluntary participation, even without assurances.

SURVIVAL’S ENDGAME

We love the expression “outside the box”, as though it is some revolutionary way of thinking and problem-solving. It really isn’t. We often just lose sight of the fact that our pain, our trauma, our disappointments, our mistakes and our fears are collectively the box itself. It is not that we are unable to think outside of this box, but rather it is more that we allow its walls to limit our view of other possibilities.

Any call to service typically demands that we decisively shift focus away from our pain and our past, so we can become sustainably functional for the present, which in some shape or form would allow us to catch a glimpse of a hopeful future that our service is somehow helping to turn into reality. It needs to be said that circumstances have a way of prodding us to issue, answer or ignore such calls, for whatever reasons we decide to do so. But if we simply allow the baggage of our trauma to get in the way of producing any potential improvement, then all we will ever decide to be are its willing victims.

Somewhere between sacrifice and freedom, between sentimentality and the cynical "me first", we will find progressive logic, which will ultimately lead us to conclude that genuine progress, the need for which shall both dwarf and outlive every single one of us, is the whole point of survival. What breed of intelligence will we be if we do not try and leave the world around us better than when we found it?

We can spend an entire lifetime orbiting around our mistakes and disappointments. Or we can attempt to convert both into fuel, for rechanneling towards something both worthwhile and sustainable. And unless we’re all living like royalty and believe that to be our only life purpose, then a lot of the truly important work remains to be done. Together, if need be.

Until that day arrives, much of life will persistently validate Kipling: "Down to Gehenna or up to the Throne, he travels the fastest who travels alone.”

Speed will save lives as many times as it kills, perhaps more. It will undoubtedly win races. But just as speed by itself never repairs damaged ships, every man for himself will forever fall short of healing broken spirits.